thoughts as of lately

I love the fact that February allowed me to see the sunrise every day. Sunrises and sets put a smile on my face whether I’m weathering minus 40 in Edmonton or swaying to the waves in Thailand. It did however, take my travelling to realize how beautiful they are…and they’re free 😉

When you skip the gym for a week your ego is less important than your back. Weight down.

Stampede is four months away. A lot happens before then…but I’ve also been in Edmonton for four months which has flown by. Somehow I feel like I won’t be home until I go.

I think my trip basically jinxed me for the rest of my travels. It seems fundamentally wrong to fly anywhere for less than a month. Additionally nowhere seems ‘cool’ enough…I’m of the Pyramids or nothing mentality at the moment, which could keep me Alberta locked until next decade.

I’m really really really excited for outdoor farmer’s markets this summer.

What did people do before tinder? …What do people without tinder do?

Vitamins actually make you feel so much better. #mindblown

I spent $120 on hair product this weekend. Got more compliments on my hair in 3 days than I have in three months. Best. Investment. Ever. (I don’t have a shred of care for how vain that sounds)

Suits is amazing. Apparently shot in Toronto—less amazing. If legal secretaries actually made how much Donna must make to upkeep that wardrobe I’d switch careers.

Orange is the new black…less amazing once again. One of those Netflix stole 10 hours of my life tragedies.

There’s nothing quite like foreign roommates who don’t clean and leave open cans of tuna in the cupboard to make you realize you are no longer a student, and although you are not Harvey Specter, you make enough money to live somewhere that isn’t at a risk of burning down from a perma-on rice cooker at any given minute. We are young…but not that young.

Which leads me to my final point. How are children, yes, CHILDREN born in 1996 allowed in bars?

Writing…

I’m writing my final post of my three. I am however struggling to make it fluid. I’m sure I’ll come to my senses soon but I figured for those of you who maybe haven’t kept totally up to date, that I’d link the most popular posts of my last year (mine and other people’s). To think this time last year I was drinking wine from a bag watching fireworks off the harbour bridge in my bikini….slight change of scenery.

Lose the Ego, This is Byron Bay
The Upside to Travelling with Friends
Gentlemen’s Club
Writing to Read
Falling for India
TYA
Open

For Emilee

We all say:
A year flies by….
A lot can happen in a year….
What being away has showed me is how much can be done in a year if we make the effort. And what out of that ‘lot’ that happens actually matters.

It’s a bit interesting what actually doesn’t impact you…break-ups, make-ups, and the fluff in between. Perhaps more interesting are the big things, grandparents sick, missed holidays, and natural disasters that you acknowledge, but that you are quick to accept that you cannot change from near or far. From those moments when you see the strength of those suffering to encourage you to stay travelling, and your own ability to provide support via the beauty of the world wide web, it is a very sweet silver lining.

What I find to be most worth noting is the unexpected impact certain things have; the out of the blue shocks or the little changes that seem to overstay their welcome in the back burner of your mind.

Earlier this week I finally got on to the internet and was met with the shocking news that a friend from high school had been killed. She wasn’t a close friend, we hadn’t actually spoken much since high school, and it took some serious digging to find the people that knew what happened…but I was devastated. I still am. She’s not the first person I’ve known to die, and arguably more personal disasters have happened this past year, but I sat on the Swakopmund coast in Namibia dumbfounded for hours yesterday, and still today I feel withdrawn.

It reminds me a bit of how I felt crawling over the boulders that line koh-phangan’s coast looking for our friend at yoga training: that glimpse of clarity where you realize full-heartedly what matters and where you need to be for you. I think that this is a bit worse than that time though, mostly because we found him, but partly because of my realized impact of Emilee’s character.

As my tour-mates asked me what was wrong I corrected myself quickly when I said ‘not a good friend’ to ‘not a close friend’ had passed, because even as a passer-by she was a great friend…and oddly that even sounded weird. Emilee had such a positive presence that was contagious to every group she joined from striving athletic teams to her indiscriminate social groups. I haven’t spoken to her in years but I would expect nothing less than to meet her with a big smile and long embrace. I would have given her any time of day without question. I think part of me is beating myself up realizing how easy it is to let relationships slip, and for not keeping in touch with a person I can say nothing bad about. While the other part is recognizing how I would want to be remembered.

I haven’t thought a lot about death lately, which was not the case at the beginning of my trip. I’ve had bad luck in good places, and blindly relied on the good side of human nature in some dodgy ones realizing how beyond my control my fate really is. Not that I want to return to paranoia, but every so often it can be sobering to consider your legacy. How would I be remembered? Would I be? Questions that unlike fate, we are the keepers to the answer.

As helpless as I feel, and as unfair as I feel her passing is, I am at peace with it. I have more than a feeling but a knowing that because who she genuinely was, her soul is safe and will be re-born…and most of all, that she would want us to see how fully she lived in too short a time, to inspire us to live a little more in the days we have in our hand, as for whatever stroke of luck, we have them.

Be free and peaceful, Emily.